Monthly Archives: January 2017

Taking a Break in a Relationship

If you and your partner are at loggerheads and can’t seem to get over certain issues, then taking a break in your relationship might be for the best. Here is a guide to help you handle your break in a healthy manner.
It’s Time for a Break!
The ‘drama’ of a relationship, as well as the proximity to the one you love, can often hinder clarity of thoughts. A break allows you to calm your mind, by removing yourself from the situation. Here is a list of situations that demand such a break.

✦ If your relationship is moving forward way too fast than you can handle.

✦ If you feel that your relationship has lost its initial charm and you have started feeling out of love.

✦ If there happen to be continuous misunderstandings between both of you and they are only increasing with time.

✦ If you experience a loss of mutual respect through words or actions.

✦ If you feel a lack of sufficient personal space and freedom in your relationship.
✦ If you feel you are sexually incompatible for each other.

✦ If you feel that you are being taken for granted by your partner most of the time.

✦ If you see yourself not trusting your partner, and vice versa.

✦ If you see yourself increasingly avoiding communication with him/her.

✦ It is essential that your partner comes to know about your intention directly from you. Avoid involving any mediator, such as a common friend. Doing so is likely to make matters worse.

✦ Never express your wish to take a break during a fight. It might end your fight abruptly, with several unsolved issues as well as resentment. It is essential to resolve the fight first, and bring up the topic when things have calmed down.
✦ Make sure you tell your partner that the break is not meant to be a punishment, but just a mature way for you to cleanse your thoughts. Your partner may try to change your mind. However, it is essential to stick to your decision.

✦ Points such as duration of the break can be discussed while communicating your intention. However, it is recommended that you avoid fixing a specific date to end this break. You never know the amount of time you might require to reach certain conclusions.
✦ Decide if the break should have partial or zero communication. In the former, you or your partner might decide to communicate say once a week, while in the latter, communication should take place only in case of specific emergencies.
Some Dos

✦ Use the break to look at your relationship from an unbiased point of view. Be honest and go to the root of the problems. Acknowledge your faults if any, and try to understand how they caused a friction in your relation.

✦ Indulge in your favorite hobbies to keep yourself occupied during this thought process. Catch up with your friends by planning a movie or a dinner.

✦ Give yourself a makeover, travel to new places, learn a new hobby; basically anything that helps you to rediscover yourself.
✦ Take a piece of paper and create a balance sheet of your relationship. Note down all the positive aspects about your relationship on the assets side and the negative ones on the liabilities side. If there are more points in assets than liabilities, then this relationship is certainly something worth holding on to.
Some Don’ts

✦ Remember, there is a major difference between taking a break and an actual break up. Avoid flirting, stay away from rebounds, and genuinely think of working on your relationship.

✦ Avoid discussing the relationship, or the break in general with your friends. Your words might reach your partner, turning your relationship sour permanently.

✦ Do not reject your partner’s phone calls. It’s wrong to completely block someone out of your life, specially someone who is emotionally attached to you.
✦ Loneliness can make you crave for your partner’s company. However, it is best to avoid any physical contact with your partner. To reap long-term peace in your relationship, you might have to give up on your short-term desires.

Taking Decisions

✦ Taking a break helps you make peace with your relationship issues in a far better way than in the company of your partner. It gives you a peaceful environment to sit and ponder. It enables you to judge exactly what your relationship and partner mean to you. Is this relationship encouraging your personal growth as a person or is it just going on without a purpose and meaning?
✦ This is also a golden opportunity to be yourself, and imagine a life being single; independent of any other company. If you find yourself really happy with this break, and do not see yourself going back, then you have your answer. It means you need a permanent break from this relationship.

✦ On the other hand, this break might help some of you to recognize the bright side. You might start viewing things in a different light. In such a case, it is necessary to honestly accept that you want to continue and resolve all issues with a fresh perspective.
Ultimate Effect

✦ This break can be an eye opener for many. If in that time, you or your partner are unable to stay faithful, then you should ideally part ways. Also, if in the end, one of you decides to walk away, it’ll only be fair to let go.

✦ In case the outcome of this break is positive, do not delay talking to your partner, or expect him/her to make the first move. Also, do not hold on to your ego and/or any clashes you had in the past. Instead, concentrate on bringing a positive change in your relation.
Ernest Hemingway has rightly said that, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” The best outcome of this break would be if both of you unite with a renewed commitment towards each other. Don’t be afraid to let go. Instead, look at this break as an opportunity. For all you know, both of you will come out better and stronger than ever before.

Know More About The Signs of a Controlling Relationship

A healthy relationship is all about having the right balance in life. A couple needs to work on the drawbacks and use the good points to make it work. There are times when the relationship looks really beautiful in the beginning. However, before one realizes it, sometimes, one of the partners starts dominating it to cause unhappiness to the other. In such cases, there are various signs that can give you an idea about the kind of relation you share with your partner. Here are a few signs, which indicate a controlling relationship.

Warning Signs

Violent Temper
First and foremost, a violent temper that makes you do things according to his/her will, is a major sign that your partner is controlling you. Such a person will have a very frightening temper. This can be expressed with sudden bursts of temper over simple issues. This may even be followed by driving the car at a fast speed or throwing things around the house. Anger that reaches such levels is often a sign of showing ‘who’s the boss’ in the relationship. Although it may not be entirely directed towards you, it is better that you keep a distance from such a person to avoid being his/her target in the future.

Lowering Your Confidence Levels
When a person wishes to have complete control in a relationship, he/she would make it a point to always insult you especially in public. It is strange that people can actually carry out such an act and term it as ‘love’, but these are the signs you need to be aware of from the beginning itself. A person who wishes to have complete control of a relationship would always lower your confidence levels. Such people even have the audacity to tell you about being unattractive or criticize you for every little thing. This would always have you conscious about everything for the fear of going ‘against’ the wishes of your partner.

Complete Control Over Your Plans
When was the last time you decided where you would go on a date? Did you even voice your opinion? If you are constantly doing things he/she ‘lovingly wants’ you to do…then it may now be the time to think again about this relationship. When in a controlling relationship, he/she would want you to always agree with many things between you both as a couple. If you end up on the compromising side such as wearing the kind of clothes he/she wants you to or eating the kind of food which only he/she is fond of, you sincerely have a problem on hand.

Constant Flicker of Emotions
A person who wishes to be the controlling person in a relationship would be very lovable to you one day and insult you on the next day. You would always be at the receiving end of the verbal abuse. This ultimately results in you hoping for a change in your partner. Well, despite everything, this pattern continues ultimately resulting in a lowering of your self-confidence and your approach towards things. Apologies would surely follow, however, the constant change of emotions would always continue.

You are Always at Fault
This is what a person who wishes to have control would always do. While in a relationship, such a person would constantly blame you for everything. He/she would pick fights and blame you for ‘spoiling the mood’. He/she would tell you that you have spoiled a romantic evening just because of one sentence uttered from your mouth. You would be the one being blamed for a perfect evening being ruined; although it’s not really your fault. This would obviously leave you in a confused state of mind feeling scared about voicing your opinion. It would also leave you in a complete control of your partner.

Jealousy and a Constant Watch Over Your Actions
In the initial stages of a relationship, constant phone calls may seem cute, but when a person keeps tabs over every minute of your life, well, you do have a problem on hand. The controlling partner would keep calling to know why you shopped or who is it you are hanging out with at the coffee shop. Letting your partner know about your plans is a nice thought but giving explanations all the time is not so nice really. Besides, such a partner would be jealous when you catch up with your buddies.

You May be Good, but Not Good Enough
Your partner would always make you feel you are not really good enough for him/her. Even if you try to bake the best of cakes or take the person to an exotic place for a date, he/she would make it a point to say that your efforts were really not good enough. Such a person would never be satisfied with any amount of effort from your side.

We all know that love is blind, but the question is that when you have experienced something like this, would you really risk your happiness for the sake of love? Besides, there can never be pure love in such a controlling relationship; everything would be a very selfish attempt from your partner’s side. Are you prepared to lose your peace of mind and identity for such a person? These are some things, which only you can answer and decide for yourself. Whichever path you choose, remember you would definitely meet someone who loves and respects you. He/she may not be in sight right now, but you would surely find happiness if you look at things with a positive attitude.

Some Effects of Lack of Empathy in Relationships

If you have grown up in a pretty much perfect family, you may not even realize what it is like to experience a feeling of lack of empathy in a family. Well, some are not so fortunate to have a perfect family, and trust us, it can be terrible, especially for a young kid of impressionable age. A relationship – any relationship – with a person who lacks understanding can be worse than being alone in life. If proper understanding is missing in relationships, it can break a person down.

A majority of broken marriages (due to absence of empathy and understanding between the parents), cause the children to lose faith in the institution of marriage. And naturally, these kids may grow up to have certain prejudices or bias about relationships as adults. Today, it is fairly common to come across youngsters who have experienced such a childhood or have been through similar circumstances in life, who blame failed relationships on a lack of empathy. Let’s try to find out the probable causes.

Causes of Lack of Empathy

One thing that needs to be understood is that we cannot always telepathically communicate our emotions and feelings to our partner or other individual. It requires openness.

Some people are not capable of understanding people’s emotions. They claim to be very practical and, hence, fail to see the importance of emotions and understand them. These people, at times, do feel that they hurt their loved ones; however, they believe it is required. They tend to view life pragmatically, where “what is, is!”. If you need to pull the BAND-AID, you pull it. They cannot comprehend the pain behind the pull. On the contrary, they question the hesitance about pulling it.

Others are not exactly lacking empathy. The odd part is that they are completely aware of the feelings of the person. However, they take pleasure in causing pain to the person. More so, they may even use this knowledge to manipulate the person. However, in certain relationships, lack of sympathy can be for two reasons. Firstly, the person could have psychopathic tendencies, something about the opposite person riles him/her up, or the person could simply have something against the opposite person. In such cases, not empathizing with a person in the relationship is a result of cheating in the relationship.

Effects of Lack of Empathy in a Marriage

Now, this could be an awful ordeal. Not only for the one who is subject it, but to the one who is not being empathetic as well. For the one who is subject to it, the frustration arises out of having a partner who just does not understand. For the one who is not being empathetic, the frustration of not being in a healthy marriage, creeps in later.

The absence of empathy in a marriage is due to lack of understanding and trust. In most marriages that experience this terrible feeling, a similar pattern is observed. It is observed that in the start of the relationship, they talk to each other about everything, and everything seems very beautiful. They spent time together, and the pressures of the world do not affect them. However, later on, the pressures increase and the time that they spent together reduces. They barely find time to talk to each other about their feelings. Moreover, whenever they do try to talk, they are mostly tired and irritable. This leads to fights. As time passes, the expression of feelings for each other also reduces, ultimately leading to a situation where neither individual sympathizes with the other. Thus, leading to a complete breakdown in communication and trouble in the relationship.

The best solution in this case is a second honeymoon. The concept of a honeymoon vacation is basically to allow the couple to bond with each other; physically, mentally and emotionally. If you notice that this bond that you share is weakening, it is time to go for a honeymoon again. Make it a long one. Give each other time, and spend some quality time together. You can also try counseling to regain the loving empathy that you once felt and then lost.

Effects of Lack of Empathy in Children

Lack of empathy in a marriage can often reflect in children. The fact remains that children ape their parents. It is a part of child development. Of course, there are exceptions and differences in perception. But barring these exceptions, children do pick up the same things and behave in an unsympathetic way after watching their parents.

If a child sees one parent not caring about the other’s feelings, the child will lose respect for that parent as well. Basically, the environment in the house will be very narcissistic. Wherein everyone simply cares about himself/herself, and fails to see and consider the other’s feelings. Mostly, in such a case, siblings tend to have empathy towards each other, but lose it for their parents. Another oeffect in children is that later in life they tend to lose faith in marriage and love. It is mostly found that such children have acute fear of commitment, and don’t believe in love or marriage.